First Grave on the Right - Darynda Jones

one sentence summary:
Charley is a sexy keep no prisoner grim reaper who in addition to helping the dead cross over helps her uncle, a police officer, solve crimes.

review:
This had a great premise but the writing was not so good. It relied on tropes and cliches to the point of a prime time television show. It would be ok for a day at the beach but there are thousands of better authors out there, some who even write for Harlequin. I will not be continuing to read this series, which is disappointing because of how intriguing the premise was. It did have its moments of great humour though, perhaps Jones should consider a career in stand up or television writing.

5/10

Iron Fey Series - Julie Kawaga

one sentence summary:
A half fey, half human girl tries to figure out where she belongs.

review:
I have only read the first two books in this series and I don't think I will keep going. The idea behind the novels is interesting but the execution needs some help. The characters are all really annoying, all whiny and they all create drama for themselves, basically teenagers will relate well to these stories.

4/10

Blood Lite - ed. Kevin J Anderson

one sentence summary
a collection of short, often witty, paranormal stories.

review
these stories range in quality from "why the hell did I waste my time reading that" to "wow, listen to this..." with the majority being in the first category. I was disappointed by most of the stories but Butcher's was really good and Snell's was interesting (if not particularly well executed) but that was pretty much it for good writing. The more I know the author the more disappointed I was in their story.

2/10

Sentry Peak - Harry Turtledove

one sentence summary
An alternate version of the American war between the states, with unicorns and serfs.

review
I am glad that all the reviews I read after I slogged my way through this collaborate that it is the worst work Turtledove has ever written. The dialogue is really good, great in fact, which shows me that Turtledove is a good writer but everything else about this novel was drudgery. I had little sympathy for the characters and found them irritating and the situations they were continually putting themselves in exasperating. I don't really recommend this to anyone.

4/10

The Delaney Christmas Carol - Kay Hooper, Iris Johansen and Fayrene Preston

one sentence summary:
many generations of the Delaney family have looked into the magic mirror and seen a glimpse of the future, these are three of those stories.

Review:
none of these stories were particularly well conceived or well written. Iris Johansen's was the best in my opinion and the other two weren't much worse. All three felt rushed and without strong plots. The Delaney family, however, does seem like a family worth writing about and I will probably seek out more of their stories.

4/10

The Bearskin Rug - Jennifer Stevenson

one sentence summary
sex demon freed from his bonds vs good guy cop, which will she choose?

review
an entertaining smutty read. not "well written" but not terrible.  Apparently this is book 3 in a series, I will be going back and reading the first two if I happen to ever find them used for cheap. The plot is a bit wishy-washy and the characters feel stale (but that might be because I missed the first books... but it should be better). It is fluff, a brainless read with an adequate amount of smut.

5/10

 

Remember Me - Sophie Kinsella

one sentence summary:
a 25 year old average girl with bad teeth and no carer wakes up three years in the future and is living the "dream life"

review:
The writing on this one isn't as good as Kinsella normally puts out, but it isn't the worst I have read, could probably have just used some more editing and a few rewrites. But it is an entertaining airplane/beach read, a quick moving story that will have you laughing out loud. the characters are all endearing and the plot is cleaver. I would like this to continue as a series with the protagonist pulling her life together. If you like chick-lit and want a brainless read this is for you!


6/10

Go Ask Alice - "Anonymous"

one sentence summary:
A "true" story of one girls struggle with drugs

review:
this is fear mongering at its best, written as a diary of a teenage girl and published anonymously. It was so over the top and ridiculous. It wasn't even relevant when it was written, today it would be about the horrors of meth. If you read it as a satire it can be entertaining.

4/10

Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand

one sentence summary
the book that all hipsters have read, or rather, claim to have read.

review
The only good part of this book is the feeling of accomplishment achieved by finishing the book so that I could look pretentious people in the eye and say "oh, really, that's what you thought?" in a really condescending tone. The writing is superfluous, the characters are all weakly developed and have no real base, and the plot is just poorly executed. But, in a 1950's America this became an instant classic, embracing capitalism and showing every other philosophy of life to be inferior. In conclusion, please do not read this book, use the time for better things... like learning to knit or planting a garden or reading harlequin romances (I kid you not, a better use of your time).

3/10

Intertwined - Gena Showalter

one sentence summary:
an angsty teenage boys has four angsty personalities all inside his head (...and, really, what angsty teen doesn't)

review:
normally I *love* Gena Showalter's writing, she is awesome at steamy love scenes and keeping a story moving to the next one. I figured, why not read her YA novel, it should be pretty good,, she has talent after all... OH BOY, I was wrong, so very wrong. The writing was solid, good vocabulary and grammar, but it was as if with out the sex to anchor her writing there was no direction for her story. The premise sounded like it would be a great story, but no, it was so cluttered and confused that the characters got lost and the point was missing. There was a beginning but no middle or end, it was like you got into a raft to go over some rapids but... oh snap...no paddles. but then your river keeps switching continents, and then is a on a pond, and then it morphs into a submarine (not that that makes any sense), then suddenly you are back on the river in your raft, but the water is jello. Yeah that is how the story flows (not at all). It is an entertaining read if you are looking to read something to learn how never to write. People who enjoyed Twilight may enjoy this series.

3/10

The Twilight Series - Stephanie Meyer

one sentence summary
an overly emotional teenage girl falls in love with a much older man...(a vampire is still a man right...?)

review:
This series is not the worst writing I have ever read (here's looking at you Fifty Shades) but it is far from what I would call good. Longer does not mean better. The books keep getting longer as you read through the series. The writing is reminiscent of Harlequins but with infinity more teen angst.  Some of the characters were really well developed while others were lacking, and one in particular (here's looking at you Bella) did not grow at all over the thousands of pages, she ended pretty much identical in ideology to where she started, you would think that learning about the paranormal world first hand would alter one's perspective on the world...you would be wrong. That said the story is fairly entertaining and does move along at a pretty good clip (other than the hundreds of pages interspersed here and there so full of superfluous details that any sane editor would have left in the rubbish and never ever have published...maybe they are paid by the page?). I recommend this to anyone who has an angsty teenage girl that they are trying to get to read.... or anyone who is curious what all the fuss was about (in which case I recommend skipping to the last book "Breaking Dawn" as it was the most interestingly extreme of them all, just read the Wikipedia summaries of the first 3 and you will be k).

4/10
4/10

The Iron Fey - Julie Kagawa

one sentence summary:
a "normal" girl finds out she is part fey.

review:
An interesting twist on A Midsummer's Night Dream, a teenage girl raised in the human world's younger brother is stolen away (and replaced with a changeling) to the other side of the "veil" where she is compelled to follow to save him. The writing is ok, not great but not quite terrible. The characters are all rather static, and very "Bella" (as in Twilight Bella, irrational girl with no self worth) which irritated me. The stories do move along at a rather fast clip, in fact I would guess that most real readers could breeze through the three I have read in a single day at the beach. I recommend this to people who liked Twilight and those who are looking for a light read full of teen angst with a twist of the paranormal.

6/10

My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult

one sentence summary:
a pair of deranged parents decide the best way to cope with their child's leukemia is to have another child who can act as donor to the sick one.

review:
This book was terrible, the writing was ok at best and all of the characters were well conceived but poorly executed. The plot just pissed me off, time and time again I was scoffing/yelling in my head at the book because it was so stupid and annoying. I recommend you watch the movie instead, at least the actors brought some life to the characters. the writing came across as "hey look I can use big, grown up words" which added nothing, and at times actually took a lot away from the story. Picoult plays on your emotions like Liberace plays the piano but in this case it is just loud, jarring and irritating. I recommend this only if you are trapped in a cabin and bored to death. I read it when it first came out and was on the best sellers list for ever, I had to see what the fuss was about (due to this it will forever be synonymous with Fifty Shades of Grey in the "what was the fuss all about" way)

3/10

The Midnight Sons Series - Debbie Macomber

one sentence summary:
a group of bush pilots decide that they need to lure women to their town, they offer 20 acres and a cabin but are not prepared for the changes they would have to make.

review:
typical romantic writing, better than your average harlequin but not much better. light hearted, happily ever after, formulaic writing. Entertaining characters and plot devices. I recommend it to anyone looking for an entertaining read. Keep in mind they were written, and take place in, the mid 1990's giving them a bit of nostalgic appeal.

6/10

Making Spirits Bright - Fern Michaels et al

One Sentence Summary:
A collection of four romantic Christmas season novellas.

Review:
over all this was a cute, easy to read book. Some of the stories were better than others, the one by Bass was my favourite and the one by Rossiter was my least favourite. The romance was a bit rushed in all of the stories but that is to be expected when you are writing with less than 150 pages to work with. For a light read around the holiday season (or anytime of year if you are like me and occasionally miss Christmas) I recommend this. Be warned the writing is really not particular good.
6/10
8/10

If you enjoyed this I recommend:
Nora Roberts
Debbie Macomber
Robyn Carr

The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Neffenegger

one sentence summary:
A woman falls in love with a time travelling librarian.

review:
I loved the premise of this book but not the book itself. The writing leaned heavily on stereotypes and was not subtle with the foreshadowing, rather hit you over the head with it like it was a hammer. The characters could have been much stronger and I kept getting really annoyed at both of the leads as they were whiny annoying bitches. The prose are decent but rely on curse words to stimulate emotion even in places it would be better to not (and I do really like well place curse words and characters with dirty mouths but this was awkward 80% of the time). If you want to read this please go watch Doctor Who instead a way more epic time-traveller.

5/10

memorable quotes:

“Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?”

If you enjoyed this you clearly like to cry while reading medeocre writing so I recommend you read books by (listed from my least enjoyable to the most enjoyable):

Jodi Picoulte
Kristin Hannah
Wally Lamb

50 Shades of Grey - E. L. James

One Sentence Summary: 
Naive young woman enters into BDSM sexual relationship with older man.


Review:
This is one of the most poorly written books I have read this year, we get it - his name is grey and his eyes are grey.  Also I hate Anastasia and would like to say f*ck off to her inner goddess. I will not finish this trilogy

2/10
5/10
  

Notable (for how god-awful the writing is) Quotes:

“My inner goddess is jumping up and down, clapping her hands like a five year old.” 

“Does this mean you’re going to make love to me tonight, Christian?” Holy shit. Did I just say that? His mouth drops open slightly, but he recovers quickly. “No, Anastasia it doesn’t. Firstly, I don’t make love. I fuck… hard. Secondly, there’s a lot more paperwork to do, and thirdly, you don’t yet know what you’re in for. You could still run for the hills. Come, I want to show you my playroom.”

“So you've just slept with him, given him your virginity, a man who doesn't love you. In fact, he has odd ideas about you, wants to make you some sort of kinky sex slave.”

“How does he do this to me? He's just touching a small area of my body and the hormones are flying.”

“What is it with all the immaculate blondes? It's like Stepford here.”

"“Darling, you know what they say. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince." I give her a lopsided, bittersweet smile. "I think I've kissed a prince, Mom. I hope he doesn't turn into a frog.”"

“That scares me... you scare me... I am completly caught up in your spell, considering a lifestyle with you that I didn't even know existed until last week, and then you write something like that and I want to run screaming into the hills. I won't of course, because I'd miss you. Really miss you. I want us to work, but I am terrified of the dept of feeling I have for you and the dark path you're leading me down. What you are offering is erotic and sexy, and I'm curious, but I'm also scared you'll hurt me- physically and emotionally. After threee months you could say good-bye, and where will that leave me if you do?”

“Inside, I'm doing graceful cartwheels in my head, knowing full well that's the only place I can do graceful cartwheels.”

If you enjoyed this (but want way better writing) you should read:

The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy - Anne Rice (as A. N. Roquelaure)